自我是一個複雜而獨特的東西，它有時讓我們覺察到自己的存在，但又讓我們看不到自己的真正需要。因為自我有很多面向，例如我們有多重身份、多種習慣，因此經常導致我們內心產生衝突。當我們有了自我，也就有了期望，但卻和現實不一致，這會產生失落和挫敗感，並導致焦慮和憂鬱。
我們的人際關係很受自我的影響。有時候，我們克服了很多困難建立了親密的關係，終於安定下來，但我們的自我卻害怕平靜，總要起來攪動情緒。因為在安定的生活中，自我失去了地位，它必須製造事端，才能重新掌握控制權，維持存在感。
這有點像消防員，如果沒有火災事故，他們就無事可為，也許會覺得自己不必存在。同樣地，如果生活安定，我們的自我就會產生恐懼，因為這樣繼續下去，它就會被融化了。良好的關係必然能夠融化自我，因為這是親密的基礎，這也是我們害怕失去自我原因。
害怕失去自我，是關係中發生衝突的主要因素。因此，要關係長久穩定，我們就要正確處理自我。彼此需要有意識地安頓對方的身心，並想辦法協助對方克服恐懼。而最重要的是理解和包容對方，真誠相對，培養情感和理智的信賴，讓彼此的自我能夠鬆弛下來。
我們的自我是一個應付動盪環境的好工具，但維持它的成本很高，來之不易的關係也會被它破壞。因此，建立親密關係之後，必須讓自我進入休眠狀態，並避免那些會喚醒自我的行為。
當彼此心靈融合，出現一個真正的"我們"，關係進化為一種真正的連結，我們的自我就會從關係中退出。心靈融合就是一種無我的境界，在到達這種境界之前，我們需要對自我保持警覺，減少它們對關係的負面影響。
實際上，我們的自我是一個不完整和病態的意識，包含著很多錯誤的認知，就像一個尚未醒來的夢。自我不僅導致我們內心衝突或與別人的衝突，還會導致心理疾病。儘管我們已經比動物優勝，但如果不能培養完整和健康的意識，擁有一個真正的自己，我們也無法保證有美好的生活。
擁有一個真正的自己，意味著我們放棄習慣和過度的想像，理性地行動。也意味著我們充份了解自己的需要，並為滿足這些需要而付出努力。我們也需要別人，因此這種付出也對別人有利，可以讓彼此更加親密，並大幅減少衝突的機會。以完整的意識替代自我，我們將會有一個和平穩定的環境。
55. 不斷接受新事物 (上一篇)
57. 超越那些自由的鳥兒 (下一篇)
The path to Tranquility (56)
Ego is the main factor in conflict
The ego is a complex and unique thing that sometimes makes us aware of our existence, but blinds us to our true needs. Because the ego has many facets, such as multiple identities and habits, it often leads to conflicts within ourselves. When we have egos, we also have expectations, but they are inconsistent with reality, which can create feelings of loss and frustration, leading to anxiety and depression.
Our relationships are heavily influenced by our ego. Sometimes, we have overcome many difficulties, established an intimate relationship, and finally settled down, but our ego fears peace and always stirs up emotions. Because in a stable life, the ego loses its status, it must create trouble in order to regain control, and maintain a sense of existence.
This is a bit like firefighters who have nothing to do if there are no fires, and may feel that they do not need to exist. Similarly, if life is settled, fear arises in our ego because if this continues, it will be melted away. Good relationships inevitably melt the egos because this is the foundation of intimacy, which is why we are afraid of losing ourselves.
The fear of losing ego, is a major factor of conflict in relationships. Therefore, if we want a long-term and stable relationship, we must handle egos correctly. Each other needs to consciously settle the other's body and mind and find ways to help the other overcome their fears. The most important thing is to understand and tolerate each other, be sincere to each other, cultivate emotional and intellectual reliance, and allow the egos of each other to relax.
Our ego is a great tool for coping with turbulent circumstances, but it is expensive to maintain, and the hard-won relationship may also be destroyed by it. Therefore, after establishing an intimate relationship, we must let our egos enter a dormant state and avoid behaviors that would awaken egos.
When our souls merge and a true "we" appears, and the relationship evolves into a true connection, our egos will withdraw from the relationship. Mind fusion is a state of no-ego, before reaching this state, we need to be vigilant about our egos, and reduce their negative impact on relationships.
In fact, our ego is an incomplete and pathological consciousness that contains many erroneous perceptions, like a dream that is not yet awake. Ego not only leads to conflicts within our hearts or with others, but also leads to psychological disorders. Although we are superior to animals, if we cannot cultivate a complete and healthy consciousness and have a true self, we cannot guarantee a good life.
Having a true self means that we give up habits and excessive imagination and act rationally. It also means that we fully understand our own needs and make efforts to satisfy them. We also need others, so this effort is beneficial to others, can make us more intimate, and greatly reduce the chance of conflict. By replacing the egos with complete consciousness, we will have a peaceful and stable environment.
On June 28, 2023
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