信賴是由信任、尊重和依賴所構成的，本質上是一種自信。我們相信自己的意識和能力，進而相信別人和世界。信賴不僅是個體獨立性的表現，更是自我保護能力的充份體現。所以，如果我們有信賴，就不會感到自卑。
如果我們在生活中有足夠的信賴，就不會再抗拒，而會接受一切，並有意識地與環境互動，勇敢地體驗愛情和親密關係。然而，要培養信賴並不簡單，因為我們從小就生活在一個缺乏安全感的環境中，信賴很難自然地產生。我們需要學會放下防衛心和控制欲，敞開心扉去了解別人的一切，這樣才能逐漸發展出信賴。
信賴建立在了解的基礎上，而不是盲目信任。盲目信任會使我們上當受騙，身心受損，這也是我們必須時時防衛的原因。但防衛心只會在建立關係之前起作用，所以我們應該只與真正信任的人建立關係。如果在建立關係之後互相防衛，就會像兩隻刺猬走到一起，彼此更容易受到傷害。在建立關係的時候，我們應該牢記，缺乏信賴的關係必然變得消極，應該及時扭轉或終止。
一旦建立了關係，那種發自內心的信賴就顯得十分重要。這就像打開門讓朋友進入屋內，小偷也可能會混入其中。因此，那些小心謹慎的人常常會把門關上。但為了防賊，朋友也會被拒於門外，結果我們就會缺乏友誼。其實我們不需要恐懼和封閉自己，因為屬於我們的東西不會失去，而本來不屬於我們的東西總會離開。只要有這個認識，我們就能充滿自信地敞開心扉。
當我們有了敞開心扉的經驗，就能克服對親密關係的恐懼，建立起信賴，並發現內心的寶藏不會輕易被人偷走。例如，我們與對方一起回憶往事，向對方詳述自己的經歷。我們會意識到自己的自尊心、控制感和安全感依然存在，而自信心卻增加了許多。而且，我們敞開心扉的程度越大，就越能建立信賴和相愛的關係。我們會更熱切地希望別人進入我們的內心，並幫助我們展現出內心的一切。
信賴體現彼此情感與理智的充份合作，是良好關係的基礎。我們對彼此的能力有信心、尊重彼此的自由，並依賴彼此的幫助。有了信賴，我們便能真誠相愛，建立真正的連結，讓彼此的付出成為純潔的禮物，而不是迫於恐懼的奉獻。因此，當我們對伴侶有了信賴，就不再需要取悅對方以獲取關注，而可以放心地發展彼此受益的事業或興趣。
信賴有助更好的溝通。當我們意識到對方不會捏造事實或隱瞞真相，就能坦誠相待，在溝通中加深相互理解和尊重。當溝通順暢，我們就會更願意互相幫助，建立起更實際且穩固的合作關係，並使彼此更親密。這會使我們感到更加放鬆、安全和舒適。因此，信賴能幫助我們建立一個感到安心的環境，並願意在關係中投入更多情感和時間。
信賴還有一個很實際的作用，它能幫助我們消除疑慮和猜忌，消除對別人的負面情緒和評價。在互動的過程中，信賴讓我們尊重別人的意識，聆聽和理解別人，積極地看待不同意見和衝突，而不是急於指責別人。這種相處方式可以使關係更加健康、和諧和平衡。
透過回顧彼此的經歷，並感激彼此的付出，我們將對關係擁有足夠的信心。當我們了解自己的真正需要，就會明白生命都是互相依賴而存在。因此，只有互相信賴，我們才能擁有成功的人際關係，並享受有愛的幸福人生。
88. 活出精彩的人生 (上一篇)
90. 觀察思緒從而發現並解決問題 (下一篇)
The path to Tranquility (89)
Reliance is the foundation of a good
relationship
Reliance is composed of trust, respect and dependence, and is essentially a kind of self-confidence. We believe in our own consciousness and abilities, and then believe in others and the world. Reliance is not only a manifestation of individual independence, but also a full manifestation of self-protection ability. Therefore, if we have reliance we will not feel inferior.
If we have enough reliance, we will no longer resist but accept everything and consciously interact with our environment, bravely experiencing love and intimacy. However, cultivating reliance is not simple because we grew up in an environment that lacked a sense of security, and it is difficult for reliance to arise naturally. We need to learn to let go of our defenses and control, open our hearts to understand everything about others, so that we can develop reliance gradually.
Reliance is based on understanding, not blind believing. Blind believing can cause us to be deceived and suffer physical and mental damage, which is why we must always be on the defense. But our defenses only work before building relationships, so we should only build relationships with people we truly trust. If we are defensive towards each other after building our relationship, it will be like two hedgehogs walking together, making it easier for us to get hurt. When building a relationship, we should keep in mind that a relationship lacking reliance will inevitably become negative and should be reversed or terminated promptly.
Once a relationship is established, that kind of reliance that comes from the heart becomes very important. It's like opening the door to let a friend into the house, a thief might sneak in too. Therefore, those who are cautious often keep the door closed. But in order to guard against thieves, friends will also be kept away, and we will lack friendship as a result. In fact, we don’t need to fear and close ourselves off, because things that belong to us will not be lost, and things that do not belong to us will always leave. With this understanding, we can open our hearts with confidence.
When we have experiences that open our hearts, we can overcome our fears of intimacy, establish reliance, and discover that our inner treasures won't be easily taken away. For example, we reminisce with each other and describe our experiences to each other in detail. We realize that our self-esteem, sense of control, and sense of security still exist, and our confidence has increased greatly. And, the more we open up, the more we build reliant and loving relationships. We will eagerly want others to enter our hearts and help us express everything inside.
Reliance reflects the full cooperation of each other's emotions and reason, so it is the foundation of a good relationship. We have confidence in each other's abilities, respect each other's freedom, and rely on each other's help. With reliance, we can love each other sincerely, build a true connection, and let each other's giving become a pure gift rather than an offering driven by fear. Therefore, when we have reliance to our partners, we no longer need to please each other to get attention, but can safely develop careers or interests that benefit each other.
Reliance helps to communicate better. When we realize that others won't fabricate or hide the truth, we can be honest with each other and deepen mutual understanding and respect in communication. When communication is smooth, we will be more willing to help each other, establish a more practical and solid cooperative relationship, and make each other closer. This will make us feel more relaxed, secure, and comfortable. Therefore, reliance can help us establish a reassuring environment and be willing to invest more emotion and time in relationships.
Reliance also has a practical function. It can help us eliminate doubts and suspicions, and eliminate negative emotions and evaluations of others. In the process of interaction, reliance allows us to respect other people's consciousness, listen to and understand others, and view different opinions and conflicts positively instead of being eager to blame others. This way of interaction can make relationships healthier, harmonious and balanced.
By reviewing each other's experiences and appreciating each other's contributions, we will gain enough confidence in the relationship. When we understand our genuine needs, we will know that life exists through mutual dependence. Therefore, only by mutual reliance can we have successful relationships and enjoy a happy life with love.
On July 10, 2023
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