語言是我們溝通的主要工具，它的力量無法估量，而言辭是其中的最關鍵的元素。一句話可以在內心激起萬丈波濤，也可以平息風暴。我們必須認識到，每句話都是一個行動，都可能導致後果。因此，我們必須謹慎地選擇自己的言辭。
用於表達正面意思的言辭，對情緒有正面的影響。例如，說"相信我們有能力做好這件事"，是一句表示鼓勵的話，可以讓人充滿信心。或者說"我們一起完成這件事"，這是表示支持的話，可以讓關係變得融洽。選擇正面的言辭，我們應該堅持真誠而不誇張的原則。
然而，負面言辭對情緒的影響力更強大。合作會因說話粗魯而失敗，戀人也會因爭吵而分手，負面言辭都是其中的誘因。當我們批評別人，說"想不到你的能力那麼弱"。這句話包含了貶低式言辭，即使理由充份，也會傷害受批評者的感情，使其產生抗拒。尤其在親密關係中，使用貶低式的言辭，就意味著不接受對方。而當對方感到不被接受，就會解釋為不被愛，導致關係倒退。我們可以說"你這方面的能力沒有其他方面強"。這樣不僅指出了事實，也讓別人容易接受批評。這些例子表示，當我們選擇負面的言辭，除了真誠和不誇張，還需顧及別人的感受。
另一方面，言辭也有強大的說服力。一個有效的論證，可以改變人們的觀點，甚至可能改變世界。因此，表達自己的觀點時，必須確保言辭清晰和有力，能夠準確地傳達我們的意思。能夠清晰表達，我們的觀點才是清晰的。言辭還會影響我們的形象，因為言辭的使用反映了我們的思想、價值觀和品格。學會準確地選擇言辭，不僅能塑造我們的氣質，還能提升我們的意識。
值得強調的是，言辭一直影響著我們的思考和行動。如果我們經常使用"不能"或"很難"這種消極的詞彙，我們也會變得悲觀，缺乏行動的勇氣。但如果經常使用"能夠"、"容易"這種積極的詞彙，我們就會變得更有動力。例如輔導孩子學習，如果我們經常說"你不能這樣做，這樣很難做得到"，這會影響他們的積極性，但改為說"你能夠這樣做，這樣容易做得到"，則會讓孩子更努力嘗試。換言之，言辭也可能影響到目標的達成，我們可以運用言辭來支持或激勵自己及別人，以釋放更多潛力。
因此，說話之前我們可以多思考一下。特別在表述自己對事情的看法，如果涉及主觀的想像或感受，我們可以多用"也許"和"可能"這些詞彙，這樣能讓別人有更多的自由，去思考或做決定。但當我們面對事實、需要勇敢地接受時，則很有必要用表達確定的詞彙。例如承認自己所犯的錯誤，我們可以說："是，我明白了。" 以鼓勵自己改正。
語氣也是言辭的組成部份，我們也需要留意。有時候，我們會無意中使用了絕對的語氣，例如命令式或否定式。我們可能從小在父母那裡習慣了絕對式語氣，因此說話時必須提高警覺，減低這個習慣的負面影響。說話前讓自己有少許停頓的時間，我們就能對自己的說話內容做一些準備，並思考使用何種語氣，而不是衝口而出。例如對小孩子的一些危險動作，我們有需要使用命令式或否定式，以求及時制止，但在其他時候就需要用溫和的語氣。以最適當的語氣去表達，可以讓我們的需求或關懷準確地傳給別人，並使彼此的關係更加穩定和輕鬆。
儘管語氣的使用習慣很難擺脫，但只要我們願意關心別人，在說話時對語氣就會更加留意，會從對方的角度感受我們自己的言辭。一旦說話時使用更溫和的語氣，我們會注意到關係的改善，尤其是與伴侶或朋友關係。因為不再需要互相猜測對方說話的真實含意，也就不會經常引起衝突，彼此就能持久地和睦相處。
總的來說，面對世界的不確定，我們應該使用表達不確定的言辭和語氣，以表示對變化的感知和接受。而當面對一些確定存在的事物，則應該使用表達確定的言辭和語氣，以表示我們的堅定與負責。選擇言辭的最終目的，是準確地表達我們的思想和感情，如果選擇得當，將會是人際關係發展的積極因素。因此，靈活運用言辭的態度與技巧，將會展現一種成熟的智慧以及對別人的關愛，也表示我們充份意識到言辭的力量。
80. 真誠地把自己託付給宇宙 (上一篇)
82. 以客觀絕對的標準評斷事物 (下一篇)
The path to Tranquility (81)
Fully aware of the power of words
Language is our primary tool for communication, and its power is immeasurable, with words being the most crucial element. A sentence can stir up a storm in the heart or calm a tempest. We must realize that every word is an action and may have consequences. Therefore, we must choose our words carefully.
Words used to express positive meanings have a positive impact on emotions. For example, saying "We believe we have the ability to do this well" is a word of encouragement that can make people confident. Or saying "We will complete this together" is a supportive word that can make the relationship harmonious. When choosing positive words, we should adhere to the principle of being sincere and not exaggerating.
However, negative words have a more powerful impact on emotions. Cooperation will fail due to rude words, lovers will break up due to quarrels, and negative words are the triggers. When we criticize others, we say, "I didn't expect your abilities to be so weak." This sentence contains derogatory words, even if the reason is sufficient, it will hurt the feelings of the person being criticized and make him resist. Especially in an intimate relationship, using derogatory words means not accepting the other person. And when the other person feels not being accepted, they will interpret it as not being loved, causing the relationship to regress. We can say "your ability in this area is not as strong as in other areas". Not only does this point out the facts, it also makes it easier for others to accept criticism. These example shows that when we choose negative words, in addition to being sincere and not exaggerating, we also need to consider the feelings of others.
However, negative words have a more powerful impact on emotions and often become the trigger for relationship breakdown. For example, cooperation may fail due to speaking rudely, or even feelings may be hurt due to quarrels. If we say "I didn't expect you to be so weak", this sentence of criticism uses derogatory words, even if the reason is sufficient, it will hurt the feelings of the person being criticized and make him resist. Especially in intimate relationships, using derogatory words means not accepting the other party. When the other party feels unaccepted, it will be interpreted as not being loved, leading to a regression in the relationship. We can say "your ability in this area is not as strong as in other areas". Not only does this point out the facts, it also makes it easier for others to accept criticism. These examples show that when we choose negative words, in addition to being sincere and not exaggerating, we also need to consider the feelings of others.
On the other hand, words can also be powerfully persuasive. An effective argument can change people's opinions and maybe even change the world. Therefore, when expressing our views, we must ensure that our words are clear and powerful, and that we can accurately convey what we mean. Our views are clear only if we can express them clearly. Words also influence our image because the use of words reflects our thoughts, values and character. Learning to choose our words accurately not only shapes our temperament but also heightens our consciousness.
It is worth emphasizing that words always affect our thinking and actions. If we often use negative words like "can't" or "hard", we will become pessimistic and lack the courage to act. But if we often use positive words like "can" and "easy", we will become more motivated. For example, in tutoring children to learn, if we often say "You can't do like this, it's hard to achieve", this will affect their enthusiasm, but changing to say "You can do like this, it's easy to achieve", will make the child try harder. In other words, words can also affect the achievement of goals, we can use words to support or motivate ourselves and others, to release more potential.
Therefore, before speaking, we can think more. Especially when expressing our own views on things, if it involves subjective imagination or feelings, we can use more words like "maybe" and "possible", so that others have more freedom to think or make decisions. But when we face facts and need to bravely accept them, it is very necessary to use words that express certainty. For example, to admit our mistakes, we can say: "Yes, I understand." To encourage ourselves to correct.
Tone is also a part of words, and we also need to pay attention. Sometimes, we inadvertently use an absolute tone, such as imperative or negative. We may have been accustomed to the absolute tone from our parents since we were young, so we must be alert when speaking to reduce the negative impact of this habit. Giving ourselves a little pause before speaking, we can prepare for what we are going to say and think about the tone we will use, rather than just blurting it out. For example, for some dangerous actions of children, we need to use imperative or negative expressions in order to stop them in time, but at other times we need to use a gentle tone. Expressing with the most appropriate tone can accurately convey our needs or care to others, and make the relationship between each other more stable and relaxed.
Although the habit of using tone is hard to get rid of, as long as we are willing to care about others, we will pay more attention to the tone when speaking, and feel our own words from the perspective of others. Once we use a gentle tone when speaking, we will notice the improvement of the relationship, especially the relationship with partners or friends. Because there is no need to guess other's true meaning of words, it will not often cause conflicts, and each other can live in harmony for a long time.
Generally speaking, in the face of uncertainty in the world, we should use words and tones that express uncertainty to express our perception and acceptance of change. When we face something that exists for sure, we should use words and tones that express certainty to show our firmness and responsibility. The ultimate goal of choosing words is to accurately express our thoughts and feelings, and if chosen correctly, will be a positive factor in the development of interpersonal relationships. Therefore, using the attitude and skills of words flexibly will show a mature wisdom and care for others, and it also means that we are fully aware of the power of words.
On July 24, 2023
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