也許我們都嚮往幸福，但幸福不同於歡樂，它需要一些特定的條件才能產生。首先，沒有別人幸福不可能存在。透過與別人共享歡樂，我們會獲得更多歡樂，而幸福是深度共享歡樂的結果。這意味著要得到幸福，我們必須為自己創造歡樂。然而，我們在痛苦或恐懼中也許能體驗歡樂，但卻無法體驗幸福。可見，幸福從歡樂而來，又超越歡樂。歡樂有三個層次，每個層次有不同的持續時間，但都是來自我們的存在感。我們可以將幸福看成一種存在感滿溢的狀態。
最低層次是來自本能的歡樂。當身體的需要被滿足，暫時戰勝了死亡，我們就感到歡樂，這種歡樂最不持久。較高層次的是來自自我的歡樂。只要能夠全情投入一些事情，忘掉時間和死亡，我們就感到這種歡樂。來自自我的歡樂持久一些，因為自我比本能更能保護生命。最高層次的是來自意識的歡樂。當我們與別人合作做一些有意義的事情，就能體驗到一種持久的歡樂。意識是保護生命最強大的力量，所以當我們感覺到自己充滿意識，就會有足夠的存在感和安全感，並獲得巨大的歡樂。明白到所做的事情與生命的意義相一致，也就是感到自己實現了生命的價值，我們的生活就充滿了歡樂。
然而，歡樂只是幸福的種子。這三個層次的快樂，代表著幸福的萌芽、成長和開花三個階段。第一、二階段我們獲得的歡樂是膚淺和短暫的，因為我們獨自創造和享受這些歡樂，很快就將它消耗掉。第三階段我們才意識到別人的重要性，於是讓別人參與創造歡樂的過程。到了這個階段，我們讓歡樂開花了，但能否讓它結出幸福的果實，有賴於我們與別人建立深度連結的能力。
深度的連結就是相愛。之所以它能讓人幸福，是因為通過這種連結能夠深度共享歡樂，讓我們更容易獲得歡樂，而且代價更低。這時，歡樂能夠不斷發芽、成長、開花並結果，進入一個良性循環。我們不僅能夠獨自創造歡樂，還能得到別人傳遞過來的歡樂。因此，我們的歡樂從量變到質變，最終轉化為幸福。這意味著歡樂只是短暫的正向情緒波動，而幸福卻是情感持續穩定處於正向，是一種寧靜。
歡樂來自我們的某些需要被滿足，而幸福來自我們的所有需要都被滿足，不再擔心貧乏。一切能讓生活變得更好的事物，都是我們真正的需要。有些事物我們無法給予自己，因此需要別人。我們小時候需要親情，長大後更需要友情和愛情。缺了別人，我們的歡樂本身就不完整，無法被轉化為幸福。這並不是說我們要倚賴別人給予歡樂，而是說要懂得給予別人。
互相倚賴只會減少歡樂，增加彼此的負擔。互相給予才會讓歡樂源源不斷，讓彼此輕鬆舒適。當我們能夠與別人共享所有，就能將歡樂最大化，並提升它的品質。因此，要獲得幸福，我們應該從倚賴別人轉變為依靠自己，從索取者轉變為給予者。我們從主動給予自己開始，發展為主動給予別人，然後與別人建立一種互相給予的關係。這種轉變正是對我們相愛能力的培養。
在親密關係中，如果我們都等待對方帶來驚喜，那麼獲得歡樂的機會就很少。即使我們偶爾能夠得到，也不會有好效果，因為在等待過程中產生焦慮，消耗了大量精力，疲倦抵銷了歡樂。然而，如果我們都經常為自己創造歡樂，並與對方共享，例如共享品嘗美食、讀書或學習新知識的樂趣，那麼，我們就會經常感到歡樂。久而久之，幸福就會在我們心中升起。這就像兩個人共用一所房子，每個人實際上不僅可以使用這所房子的一半，更可以使用整所房子。這所房子因我們的心靈而放大。
愛是心甘情願地給予別人所需，也就是傳統所說的溫柔體貼。當生命的能量轉變為給予的能力，我們首先會溫柔地對待自己，了解自己的所需，然後體貼地給予自己。能夠給予自己，我們就不再倚賴別人，也能學會如何給予別人。相愛的最終目標，是讓我們深入了解生命，滿足生命所需，從而克服恐懼，感受到真正的幸福。
愛也是一種使我們超越本能和習慣的力量。人的本能中沒有愛這一項，意味著我們無法倚靠本能獲得幸福。雖然受父母的養育和社會的照料，但在成長的過程中我們很少感受到真正的愛，而習慣於倚賴和控制。因此，我們需要順從愛的力量，讓相愛的歡樂長久留駐心中，聚合為幸福。
在相愛的境界中，我們從喜歡與共鳴創造歡樂，從共享歡樂達致心靈的融合。我們將從本能和習慣的束縛中解脫出來，讓自我消退，增長意識。由於相愛，我們對自己的選擇和行動都更有知覺，更清晰地看到彼此的需要，並深刻體會生命的價值。因此，我們信賴生命的力量，對未來充滿希望。這時候，幸福就會滲入我們的內心，直到生命的終點。
95. 走出孤獨才能找到寧靜和愛 (上一篇)
97. 了解客觀的生命意義 (下一篇)
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The path to Tranquility (96)
True happiness comes from loving each
other
Perhaps we all yearn for happiness, but happiness is different from joy, it requires some specific conditions to arise. First, happiness cannot exist without others. By sharing joy with others, we gain more joy, and happiness is the result of deeply shared joy. This means that in order to gain happiness, we must create joy for ourselves. However, we may experience joy when we are in pain or fear, but we cannot experience happiness. It can be seen that happiness comes from joy and transcends joy. There are three levels of joy, each with a different duration, but all come from our sense of being. We can think of happiness as a state of overflowing sense of being.
The lowest level is the joy that comes from instinct. When the needs of the body are met, and death is temporarily overcome, we feel joy, which is the least lasting kind of joy. The higher level is the joy that comes from the ego. We feel this joy whenever we can devote ourselves to something and forget about time and death. Joy from the ego lasts longer because the ego is more protective of life than instinct. The highest level is the joy that comes from consciousness. When we cooperate with others to do something meaningful, we experience lasting joy. Consciousness is the most powerful force to protect life, so when we feel that we are full of consciousness, we will have a sufficient sense of being and security, and gain great joy. When we realize that what we are doing is consistent with the meaning of life, that is, when we feel that we have realized the value of life, our life will be filled with joy.
However, joy is just the seed of happiness. These three levels of joy represent the three stages of germination, growth and flowering of happiness. The joy we get in the first and second stages is superficial and short-lived, because we create and enjoy these joys alone, because we create and enjoy it alone and quickly consume it. In the third stage, we realize the importance of others and let others participate in the process of creating joy. At this stage, we have allowed joy to blossom, but whether it can bear the fruit of happiness depends on our ability to connect deeply with others.
Deep connection is mutual love. The reason why it makes people happy is that through this kind of connection, joy can be deeply shared, making it easier for us to obtain joy and at a lower cost. At this time, joy can continue to sprout, grow, bloom and bear fruit, entering a virtuous cycle. Not only can we create joy on our own, but we can also receive joy passed on by others. Therefore, our joy from quantitative change to qualitative change, and ultimately turns into happiness. This means that joy is just a short-term positive mood fluctuation, while happiness is a sustained and stable positive mood, which is a kind of tranquility.
Joy comes when some of our needs are met, and happiness comes when all of our needs are met and we no longer have to worry about poverty. Everything that makes life better is what we really need. There are some things we cannot give ourselves and therefore need others. We need family affection when we are young, and we need friendship and love even more when we grow up. Without others, our joy itself is incomplete and cannot be transformed into happiness. This does not mean that we should rely on others to give us joy, but it means that we should know how to give to others.
Mutual relying will only reduce joy and increase each other's burdens. Mutual giving will keep the joy flowing and make each other relaxed and comfortable. When we can share everything with others, we maximize joy and enhance its quality. Therefore, to obtain happiness, we should change from relying on others to relying on ourselves, and from takers to givers. We start by actively giving to ourselves, develop into actively giving to others, and then establish a mutually giving relationship with others. This transformation is the cultivation of our ability to love each other.
In a relationship, if we are all waiting for the other to bring surprises, there is little chance of joy. Even if we can get it occasionally, it will not have a good effect, because anxiety is generated in the waiting process, a lot of energy is consumed, and fatigue offsets joy. However, if we both regularly create joy for ourselves and then share it with each other, such as by sharing the joy of eating delicious food, reading a book, or learning something new, then we will feel joy more often. Over time, happiness will arise in our hearts. It's like two people sharing a house, each person actually has access to not just half of the house, but the entire house. This house is magnified by our hearts.
Love is willingly giving others what they need, which is traditionally called gentleness and consideration. When the energy of life is transformed into the ability to give, we will first treat ourselves gently, understand our needs, and then considerately give to ourselves. Being able to give to ourselves, we can get rid of relying on others, and also learn how to give to others. The ultimate goal of love is to let us deeply understand life, meet the needs of life, thereby overcoming fear and feeling true happiness.
Love is a force that allows us to transcend instinct and habits. There is no love in human instinct, which means we cannot rely on instinct to get happiness. Although we are nurtured by our parents and cared for by society, we rarely feel true love while growing up, but we are accustomed to rely and control. Therefore, we need to obey the power of love and let the joy of loving each other stay in our hearts for a long time, and aggregate into happiness.
In the realm of mutual love, we create joy from liking and resonance, and achieve spiritual fusion from sharing joy. We will free ourselves from the constraints of instinct and habit, allowing ego to fade and consciousness to grow. Because we love each other, we are more aware of our choices and actions, see each other's needs more clearly, and deeply appreciate the value of life. Therefore, we believe in the power of life and are full of hope for the future. At this time, happiness will penetrate into our hearts until the end of life.
On August 12, 2023
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