孩子是社會的未來，而在未來幾十年，他們將與父母共享這個世界。他們的思想、感受和創造力也會影響父母的生活環境。因此，讓孩子真實地表達自己，從小培養他們的尊重、包容和自信，對父母和孩子來說都是非常有益的。
家庭是孩子成長和形成自我認同的首要環境。每個孩子的體質、個性和天賦都不同，在通常情況下，父母可能會偏愛某個孩子，但孩子也很敏感，很快就察覺到自己是否被忽視。如果被忽視，他們可能會變得妒嫉和防禦。這是普遍存在的負面心理，本來沒有大問題，但當父母要求孩子順從，並且不允許他們表達自己的不滿時，孩子的嫉妒心和防禦心就會在孩子心裡扎根。
如果孩子被允許真實地表達，他們可能會挑戰父母的權威，與兄弟姊妹產生衝突，但這種情緒的釋放有助於他們的心理恢復平衡。在一些例子中，當妹妹抱怨哥哥打她，若父母只訓斥哥哥，就會激起他對妹妹的報復。但若鼓勵哥哥表達感受，父母會發現他感到被忽視，出於妒嫉而打妹妹。透過調解，兄妹關係會得到改善，這說明讓孩子表達真實感受，能改善他們的人際關係。
然而，父母常常不允許孩子真實地表達。當孩子吵架，父母訓斥孩子並要求他們安靜，或者打架時立即對孩子進行體罰，導致孩子的妒嫉和防禦演變成憤怒，並被壓抑在內心深處。這種憤怒會對成年後的親密關係產生嚴重的負面影響。但到了那時，憤怒已經引發痛苦，孩子被迫反思並重新學習如何與別人相處。
允許孩子真實地表達，有助及早發現並解決問題，對孩子的成長非常有利。從小消除妒嫉和防禦這些負面心理的種子，或者除去讓它們成長為憤怒的土壤，孩子將來就能發展出完整的性格，以及穩定的人際關係，有更多精力去創造新事物，並擁有更多的快樂時光。最重要的是，這樣能讓孩子擁有自由的心靈，而不會發展出專制的自我。
這不僅需要父母理解和接受孩子的興趣和才能，尊重他們的天性，還需要父母為孩子提供一個沒有傲慢和歧視的環境，讓他們自由地表達自己的需求。當然，父母還需要鼓勵和引導孩子如何有效地表達，如何處理自己的情緒，以及如何尊重和理解別人。這也需要在家庭中引入一個開放的溝通模式。
父母可以採取開放社會的模式，以投票方式去決定家庭生活上的事情或秩序，例如食物或睡覺時間等等。而在投票的過程中，讓孩子充份解釋自己的意向，使他們學會理解自己和別人的選擇。在家庭成員發生價值觀衝突時，這種做法顯得更加重要。當某個孩子出現專橫和欺凌的行為，父母必須連同其他家庭成員，及時作出公正的裁決和懲罰，並說明理由，讓孩子及早適應社會的運作方式。總的來說，合理的家庭運作模式對孩子和父母來說，無論是現在或將來都有好處。
允許孩子真實地表達，反映出父母對自由的看法，也是建立自由社會非常重要的第一步。社會好比一個大家庭，對自由的看法會體現在制度之中。當每個人都可以毫無顧慮地表達自己的觀點和感受，社會就能綜合各人的智慧，成為一個有意識的集體，有效地發揮保護個體的功能。自由對社會發展的正面影響，已經被人類近百年的實踐所確認，只有自由，我們才能擁有一個理想的生活環境，而自由的家庭，就是自由社會的雛型和基礎。
因此，允許孩子真實地表達，就是為社會發展做準備。這需要父母、教育者和其他社會成員共同努力，為孩子創造一個自由、開放和包容的成長環境，協助他們建立互信和平等的人際關係，並展現獨特的潛能。孩子也會成為別人的父母，當被允許真實地表達自己，他們也會允許自己的孩子和其他人這樣做。那麼，一個健康、自由的社會就會不斷地傳承下去。
84. 為自己的生命負責 (上一篇)
86. 清風和愛帶來的美意 (下一篇)
The path to Tranquility (85)
Allowing children to express themselves
authentically
Children are the future of society, and in the next few decades, they will live in the same world as their parents. Their thoughts, feelings, and creativity will also affect their parents' living environment. Therefore, allowing children to express themselves authentically and cultivating their respect, tolerance, and self-confidence from a young age is very beneficial for both parents and children.
The family is the primary environment in which children grow and form their own identities. Each child's physique, personality and talents are different. Under normal circumstances, parents may favor a certain child, but children are also very sensitive and quickly perceive whether they are being ignored. If ignored, they can become jealous and defensive. This is a common negative psychology, which is not a big problem in itself, but when parents demand obedience from children and do not allow them to express their dissatisfaction, children's jealousy and defensiveness will take root in their hearts.
If children are allowed to express themselves authentically, they may challenge their parents' authority and conflict with their siblings, but the release of this emotion helps them regain psychological balance. In some cases, when a younger sister complains that her older brother hits her, if the parents only reprimand the older brother, it will provoke him to retaliate against the younger sister. But if the older brother is encouraged to express his feelings, the parents may discover that he feels neglected and hit his younger sister out of jealousy. Through mediation, the sibling relationship will improve, which shows that allowing children to express their true feelings can improve their interpersonal relationships.
However, parents often do not allow their children to express themselves authentically. When children quarrel, parents reprimand the children and ask them to be quiet, or immediately impose corporal punishment on the children when there is a fight, causing the children's jealousy and defensiveness to evolve into anger and be suppressed deep inside. This anger can have a serious negative impact on intimate relationships in adulthood. But by then, the anger has caused pain, and the child is forced to reflect and relearn how to get along with others.
Allowing children to express themselves authentically can help problems be discovered and solved early, which is very beneficial for children's growth. Eliminating the seeds of negative psychology such as jealousy and defensiveness from a young age, or removing the soil that allows them to grow into anger, children will be able to develop a complete personality and stable interpersonal relationships in the future, have more energy to create new things, and have more happy times. Most importantly, this allows children to have a free mind, without developing a dictatorial ego.
This not only requires parents to understand and accept their children's interests and talents, and respect their nature, but also requires parents to provide their children with an environment free of arrogance and discrimination, allowing them to express their needs freely. Of course, parents also need to encourage and guide their children on how to express effectively, how to deal with their own emotions, and how to respect and understand others. This also requires introducing an open communication model within the family.
Parents can adopt an open society model and vote to decide things or order in family life, such as food or sleeping time, etc. And in the voting process, let children fully explain their intentions, so that they learn to understand their own and others' choices. This practice becomes even more important when there is a conflict of values among family members. When a child exhibits domineering and bullying behavior, parents must make a fair judgment and punishment with other family members in time, and explain the reasons, so that children can adapt to the way society operates as early as possible. In general, a reasonable family operation mode is beneficial to children and parents, both now and in the future.
Allowing children to express themselves authentically reflects parents' views on freedom and is a very important first step in building a free society. Society is like a big family, and views on freedom will be reflected in the system. When everyone can express their views and feelings without worry, society can integrate the wisdom of everyone, become a collective with consciousness, and effectively play the role of protecting individuals. The positive impact of freedom on social development has been confirmed from nearly a hundred years of human practice. Only with freedom can we have an ideal living environment, and a free family is the prototype and foundation of a free society.
Therefore, allowing children to express themselves authentically is preparing for social development. This requires parents, educators, and other social members to work together to create a free, open, and inclusive growth environment for children, help them establish mutual trust and equal interpersonal relationships, and show unique potential. Children will also become parents of others, when they are allowed to express themselves authentically, they will also allow their children and others to do the same. Then, a healthy and free society will continue to be passed down.
On July 28, 2023
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